The “Glazed Donut” Guide to Anal Play: How to Banish Pain and Prep Like a Pro

If you’re going to play in the backdoor area, it should look like a glazed donut. Period.

As a desire coach, I hear it all the time: the two most common issues people have with anal play are poop and pain. But here’s the good news—both of these are completely avoidable if you know what you’re doing.

If you want to have an amazing, comfortable, and mess-free experience, follow my simple formula. Let's break down how to prep for the big day so you can avoid poop during anal, avoid pain during anal, and focus strictly on pleasure.

Issue #1: Banishing the Mess

First of all, we are not doing backdoor play on a whim. If you want a pristine experience, you have to do some prep work. Plan it out, make it special— it’s a gift you’re giving your partner and they LOVE the idea of getting to explore all of you. You may even wrap a bow around it!

Here are three ways to ensure your confidence is high and the mess stays away:

Eat a High-Fiber Diet

In the days leading up to your planned play, up your fiber intake. This naturally keeps things moving and clears you out.

The Shower Method

Get your partner in the shower with you, pull down the handheld showerhead, and do a little gentle cleaning. This is a great way to increase pleasure, calm nerves, and start play.

Use a Backdoor Douche

<link to douche> Pull warm water into the bulb, insert it at the base, and spray to flush out any mess. You can even find ones with ribbed nozzles to add a little extra pleasure to the prep process! Don’t forget to use a lubricant during this process too.

Once you're feeling fresh and confident, it’s time to tackle the second hurdle.

Issue #2: Preventing the Pain

Most people don’t know that there are actually two sets of muscles you need to relax before you ever put anything inside: the external sphincter and the internal sphincter.

To make play a success, you need to remember the L.R.S. Method: Lubrication, Relaxation, and Slow.

1. Lubrication (The Glazed Donut Rule)

Say it with me: Spit is not lube, and neither is mayo!

You want to use a high-quality, silicone-based moisturizer. Why? Because the molecules in silicone lubricant are too large to soak into the skin, meaning things stay slick—just like a glazed donut. (This one has Vitamin E to calm the skin, taking it an extra step).

Important note: If you are using a "glove for love" (latex condom), you MUST switch to a water-based lube, as silicone breaks down latex!

2. Relaxation

To get the external muscle to release, start by tracing small concentric circles around the area with a finger, or use a gentle windshield wiper motion with the thumb. As you do this with plenty of lube, things will start to relax.

Only when the outside is completely relaxed should you try to insert anything. Put a finger in just a little tiny bit and press down gently. This specific motion helps to release the internal muscle.

My best tip is to try this on yourself…self play is the best way to explore and figure out what works for your body.

Need extra help relaxing?

Try a buzzing plug: A vibrating anal plug can feel amazing and help gently stretch and relax the area before the main event. Vibration intensifies sensation and helps to relax muscles too! <link to plot twist>

Use an anti-irritant cream: If you are still in your head about the pain, an anal relaxing cream can work wonders. It’s going to make your butt feel like it just drank a whole bottle of wine…and get you into your body instead of worrying about whats coming next.

3. Slow

The last thing you need to do is go slow. In fact, if you think you’re going slow, go slower. Give your body the time it needs to relax, to open up, and to actually enjoy the sensation. What we see in porn is NOT reality…so talk with your partner about being slow and steady instead of fast and furious.

It’s a good idea to come up with a communication system to let them know when you need things to move slower too… like the red light, green light, yellow light method.

Red means STOP
Yellow means SLOW DOWN
Green means GO

Glaze your body up, and have some fun exploring this new type of sensation.

Happy humping!